The Fabulous, Yet Curious, Tales Of Jacqueline
by Madame Cyanure
Summary: Jack has had a sex change! Follow his life as he adapts to womanhood. AU, and there will be Janto, I promise. x
1. Dirty Slut

**I couldn't resist making an AU out of this one! For now it's got no specific plot to speak of because I don't just want to copy Almost Perfect, unless I get any really good ideas; it's just how Jack copes with life as a woman. Updates will come as and when my schedule is free and the inspiration hits me. I've nicked the first chapter out of my What Ifs...? so if you have read that one already you have the option of reading it again or skipping to the next chapter. Read and review as always. x**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but a keyboard, a computer, and a mind. Damn. x**

Dirty Slut

'Oi!' Barked Gwen. 'Stop that! I can see your arse.'

'Nah, stay there. I kinda like it. Wait – let me get my camera.'

'Piss off Owen! Just because you have to perve at and objectify everyone that moves does not mean that we all do!'

'Calm down, PC Cooper.'

'Shut it – for God's sake, straighten up! You're wearing a thong! Don't you even think about sassing me, Harkness, either! You don't get a say in this.'

Ianto stared at the scene before him, rolling his eyes in disbelief as the situation got progressively worse. Leaning over a workstation for all to see, wearing an expression of polite interest, was a tall, slender figure. Having a photographic memory, Ianto had seen it all before, although he still couldn't help but take it all in. Six inch heels, sky-high legs which ended with a too-short pink rah-rah skirt; the subject of Gwen and Owen's argument. Continuing upwards, there was the perfectly formed, pinched-in size six waist, accentuated by a figure hugging top. Breasts that were far too large and voluptuous to be anywhere near natural were barely held in by a push-up brassiere; cleavage giving the Valley of Death a run for its money. Long dark hair cascaded down the shoulders and framed the angelic, yet mischievous, face. She was laughing at the trouble she was causing, and at the social politics that could only exist within Torchwood.

Ianto sighed pensively.

He still hadn't got used to calling his lover 'Jacqueline'.

**This is the start of something beautiful. Please review. MC. x**


	2. Moody Bitch

**I absolutely love this chapter. Jack with PMS! I'm surprisingly nice to Gwen too - I apologise, it is unlikely to happen again. Read and review. x**

**DISCLAIMER: I'd like to own Jack, but I think Ianto would hit me if I touched his man. x**

Moody Bitch

Knocking cautiously, Gwen walked into her boss's office, finally about to hand in her paperwork that had been due in over a week ago. Jack – no _Jacqueline,_ she corrected herself – hadn't come out into the main Hub for well over an hour now and was oddly sulky. Gwen thought she knew why.

Gwen looked around the office, in all its usual untidy glory (Ianto would have something to say about that), until she found her target. A mass of raven hair sprawled unmoving on the desk; two slender white arms sticking out as proof that it was a human being. Gwen crouched down beside her to check that she was breathing. Ah, good. Not shot herself yet then, Gwen thought; better sort her out before she does.

'J? You ok honey?'

'No.' Came the sharp, muffled reply. 'Go away.'

'Aw, come on. I brought paperwork.' Gwen didn't see how this would get her boss to 'talk', but at least it might get something positive out of her.

'Good. It's about time. Now go away.'

Ok, maybe not then. Gwen got up and made to walk out. Some women just like to be left alone; maybe Jacqueline was one of those? It kinda made sense, really.

'I hate being a woman.' It was barely a whisper, but it was enough to make Gwen spin round, retort at the ready.

'Well, I hate to say it, but you were the one that took the pill. You knew what would happen, J.'

Jacqueline had sat up, pouting furiously. Her makeup was smudged and her outfit dishevelled, yet she still looked annoyingly pretty. And, Gwen noted, her boobs seemed to stand up by themselves, as usual. But, all in all, she looked like a girl who had hit the wrong time of the year, let alone month.

'Yeah, well no one told me that I'd feel this miserable. Immortality is boring, Ianto is being careful, and my knickers are half way up my arse crack! Also, how comes I could walk in stilettos as a man but can't now?' She slumped back in her plush leather office chair, her sulk deepening.

Gwen sighed; Tosh was too polite to talk about things like this, and the boys were clueless, so she had kind of expected to be conducting this talk. Just not quite so soon. 'Buy some better shoes and lingerie then! Look, sweetheart, your hormones are all over the place and –'

'Oestrogen is a bitch. I want my testosterone back.'

'- I think you know what's happening.' Gwen continued. 'Now have you got tampons? Do you think that you know how use them?'

Jacqueline nodded and pointed to an impossibly small silk handbag that was strewn on the floor next to her filing cabinet. Thank God for that, thought Gwen; it saved her at least one mental trauma. Although Jacqueline was flushing with embarrassment.

'Good, but you might want to get some pantie liners just in case. I can help you with that for now, but don't ask Ianto to buy them for you. Trust me, he won't like that.'

'Thanks, Gwen.'

'No problem. I'll come back and check on you later.' Gwen got half way out of the office, thinking of phoning Martha to give her an update of the situation, and heard Jacqueline call her back. She poked her head round the door frame. 'Yes?'

'Where's Ianto?'

'Answering a Rift Alert with the others. Why?'

'I need him. Call him and tell him to come back for me, will you?'

Gwen was about to assure her that, yes she would, before something twigged inside her brain. Something very important that she had forgot to mention.

'Errm, J? Honey? If you think about it…I'm not sure how to say this but…errm, well…it's probably not a good idea for you to have sex right now. Just in case you have an accident. With the condom, I mean.'

Gwen then heard Jacqueline shout out a very unladylike word. Gwen rolled her eyes and left sharply to avoid the hissy fit that would follow.

**Sooo... what do you think. The magic word is not please, it's REVIEW. MC. x**


	3. Kinky

**Ok now for a bit of pure Janto! I'm crap at writing smut so bear with me. Also, I toned it down because I rembered what the overall rating is for this fic. So this is dilute fluff-smut. Enjoy. x**

**DISCLAIMER: These are not my toys. I just stole them for a little while. x**

Kinky

Click.

The handcuffs fastened; Ianto was chained to Owen's workstation. Apparently naked hide and seek now involved bondage.

'Fuck.' Ianto sighed. 'How did you find me?'

'Woman's intuition.' The high voice sounded from above Ianto's head and he glanced up to view his lover.

'You cheated again didn't you?'

'Me? Never!' The pitch rose with the lie; one of the great things about the change was that it was easier to tell if his lover was hiding something.

'Come on, I know you. Really, Jacque?' Ianto pronounced the name as 'Jack'. The two of them had agreed that it would make things easier.

'Maaaybe.'

Ianto heard footsteps walking away from him. 'Where are you going?' He yelled after her.

'I'll be back in a minute!'

Ianto rolled his eyes and slumped against the desk. They were supposed to be celebrating something, although Ianto wasn't sure what. Probably a lack of menstruation, he mused. A full five minutes later, Jacqueline re-emerged. She closed in on Ianto, her powerless prey, reeking of those futuristic pheromones that he loved oh so very much.

'Ianto Jones.' She whispered seductively in mock cockney accent. 'You're nicked.'

Although extremely turned on, Ianto couldn't help but laugh.

'Jacque you do know that that is a French maid's outfit, right?'

'I'm undercover.' Jacqueline replied saucily, crouching down to Ianto's level and straddling him. 'And you are my prisoner.' She looked to Ianto's groin and smirked. 'Well, someone is pleased to see me!'

'You bet I am.' Ianto murmured, ghosting Jacqueline's lips before pulling he into a passionate kiss.

A while later, snuggled up in a tangle of limbs on the floor and his head resting upon her chest, Ianto turned to Jacqueline with a smile.

'You still have to be the dominatrix, don't you?'

**Review please. Our naughty little girl Jacqueline needs you! :) MC. x**


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